January 14, 2004.

The day my world started falling apart. I can't lie like I've had a perfect life. I never got everything I wanted, or had extravagant birthdays, or got a car for my sweet sixteen, but let me tell you something about what I did have, that means more to me than any of that extra stuff ever could have. Maybe I didn't get what I wanted all the time, but I ALWAYS had what I NEEDED. My parents went above and beyond to make sure we had what was necessary. Since I can remember, my Dad had been sick. He had numerous heart attacks and was hospitalized more than once during my childhood. And yeah, it was scary, but he always bounced back. He became disabled, losing his peripheral vision in one of the heart attacks, making him unable to work. So, my mother was the one that worked. And man did she bust her ass (I'm glad I inherited her work ethic). My father had no issues staying home and taking care of my sister and I. Which is why is pains me today to see so many fathers not want to help with their own children they created. My father and I didn't have the best, closest relationship in the world, but you know what they say, " a father is his daughters first love". And man, is that true. Tomorrow, Saturday January 14th, 2012 makes 8 years since I've lost him to his last and final heart attack. I can't help but wonder what my life would be like if he was still here. I know he'd be proud of how far I've come. I know I was proud of him for fighting as long as he did. I admire that regardless what was going on with him, he still did what he wanted, and what he loved. And even though it's been eight whole years, it still hurts like it was yesterday. I remember your smile, the sound of your voice, and the wholeness of your laugh. I remember the way you used to yell at the TV when the Sox, Pats, or Bruins were playing. I remember the way you smell. I remember the way that when I used to call you from a friends house to say goodnight, when I said "love you, Dad", you'd just say "okay" and hang up. I remember fishing off the beach with you at night, and I remember when you and Mom taught me how to quahog, and all my friends thought I was so cool because I knew how. I remember how mad you would get when you were losing that pga tour game on the sega genisis, and I remember how much you disliked the playstation gamecube we tried to upgrade you to. I wear your ring every day. And I wear my memories of you, good or bad, in my heart with me, always. Miss you so much Dad, I would give anything for you to still be here with us.